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28 Apr 2005 - Kevin's Diary

Before I start to tell you about my journey I would like to tell you a bit
about myself.Iam 41 years old spent most of my working life serving in the
army. since leaving the forces I have suffered bad with depression,I've had
two failed relation ships both of which where not there fault but my methods
of copping with my depression.I was trying ever option to over come my
problem, drinking heavly for instance.But in the the mean time I was
ignoring the people around me who loved me and who where just trying to
help.After the failer of my second long term relationship I went down hill
fast ending up in hospital after taking an over dose at that point I had
just given up on life .After a talk to some people who where close to me I
decided to try and fight my bad times another way by pushing myself to the
extreem.The diary you about to read is one sutch way I have found of over
coming my problem.
DAY1 15 April 2005
I set off from the wellspring at about 13.00 after a hearty meal on the
first part of an epic journey which would take me around the coast of
England,living off what ever I could.I had estimated the distance for the
first my trip to Chester to be 37 miles which I intended to walk within
24hrs.The weather when i set off was over cast but not raining.But about
2hrs into the walk it started drizzling [the fine rain its the
worst].Iwalked write through until 2200hrs mainly along A roads taking
breaks every hour.It rained all day and by the time i had enoughfortheday I
was between Frodsham and barnham on the hill I was still 8 miles short of
Chester .I set up for the night in a farmers field,everthing in my rucksack
was soaked but I just needed to get my boots off and take a time out.After I
had my tent up I tucked into a tin of baked beans and a tin of corn beaf Ido
like to spoil myself every now and again.


DAY 2
I managed to get a couple of hours sleep but it rained all night. When i got
up about 0600hrs the field was flooded. I just rolled everything up the best
i could and set off towards Chester, with my boots squelching with the amount
of water in them. The rest of the 7 miles into Chester took three and a half
hours [a hard slog] but I had still done it over 3hrs quicker than I had
estimated .On the way I had found £1.20.When I got into the city centre I
asked for directions to the homeless centre, because I needed to try and
get dry or journey would be over before it had properly started .I found a
day care centre who very kindly let me have a shower, dry all my clothes and
sleeping bag, and then gave me a hot meal for just 50p,all of which was much
appreciated. I thanked them for all their help before setting off out off the
city towards the A483 Wrexham road; you?ve guest it started raining
again. It hasn't rained all winter but the first two days into my trip it
hasn't stopped. I decided to call it a day before everything got wet again. I
set the tent up in a field took my boots off and relaxed.


DAY 3 17.04.05
I arose bright and early just after sunrise packed up and headed the few
miles left into Wrexham. The weather was over cast but not raining .So far on
the journey of which I had covered 55 miles I?ve had no problems with
blisters, not bad considering I brought these boots off Stockport market for
£10.If they last all the way around I might try and take them back and ask
for the next size up. Well the homeless centre in Wrexham was closed so I
carried on along the A5 to Shrewsbury my next port of call. By about mid day
the weather took a turn for the worst again, so with still about 15 miles to
Shrewsbury I decided to try and thumb a lift. After 20 mins a car stopped, he
gave me a lift into the centre of town. From where I was dropped off the
homeless shelter was only 300 meters away. IT wasn't open [it only opens at
night] but I did speak to hostel manager a chap called Gary, he was telling me
that he used to be on the streets for a while, the conversation then turned
to the problems we homeless have to injure on the streets we then discussed
funding for the homeless, as was said in the conversation if the London
theatre and ballet companies can get millions from the lottery why not the
more needy. Anyway after a cup of coffee we said our good byes and i was on
my way again, I wanted to be outside the town centre before dark because as
anyone who is sleeping rough will tell you its to dangerous. I managed to
find a dry area under a bridge just out of town. I pitched up for the night. I
hadn't found any money today so I?ve just got 70p left. Drink wise I?ve had
about 3 litres of water .I am now sat by the side of my tent just about to
took into my last tin of food I brought with me, Heinz pork sausages and
beans. Don?t you envy me???

DAY4 18.04.05
Dawn broke to the sound of coughs sniffs and the kicking of hoofs. I opened
my tent to find a herd a of cows had taken a fancy to my red tent, so with my
stomach rumbling and thirsty I reluctantly got up and set off for the day. My
next destination was Hereford, but the speed I set off I wouldn't of made the
30miles or so before Christmas. The cramp in my legs was horrendous .After
about 5miles of shear pain I sat down on the side of the road for a rest. I
knew the problem, not enough food or water for the energy I was burning up. A
delivery van pulled up while I was sat there dreaming of a beach in Rio. The
good Samaritan gave me a lift all the way to Hereford. As soon as we arrived
I thanked him then went to the nearest shop, bought a mars bar to try and
boost my energy levels. After half an hour of relaxation and plenty of water
I was ready for a walk around. I bumped into a old chap begging in a shop
door way, I gave him what change I had left which wasn't much, when I asked
him if there were any facilities where he could get a hot meal in Hereford
his reply was one free meal a week on Wednesday morning at the salvation
army. It just shows you how lucky we are in Stockport, I wished him good luck
and started on my way out of the city. I was contemplating popping up to the
SAS camp and showing them how to do the assault course but I'll leave that
for another day. Crossing the river Wye and on to the A49 I headed out to
meet the M5 on route to Exeter. It didn't take long before I got a lift of
lady [that?s unusual these days]it must be my good lucks. Anyway this helped me
out a lot because I was resting and saving energy. She dropped me off at
Bristol services, thanked me for not being an axe murder then drove off. I
only had to wait ten minutes before a lovely couple called Jonathan and
Chris offered me a lift to Exeter. We had a great conversation on the way down
because Jonathan was a Royal marines officer retired, so it was nice to chat
to someone who I could relate to. They dropped me off Exeter services where I
spent the night.

DAY 5 19.04.05
A nice steady stroll for four miles took me into the heart of the city of
Exeter. A very busy bus selling city centre greeted me even for 08.30 in the
morning. The energy levels were up and so was the Merrill .I had a good walk
around taking in the sights, like the cathedral and the pub where Sir
Frances Drake was to have frequented when in port happily named the ship
inn. I had worked myself a thirst up and the old belly was rumbling .It
didn't take long to find the day centre in Exeter for the homeless, called St
Petrocks .The staff welcomed me in with a warm smile and a cup of tea. I had a
look around the centre which like the wellspring has a lot going on for the
customers[education, art etc].I had a chat with the staff before saying my
goodbyes with a hand shake and an egg sandwich .I reluctantly had to leave
Exeter because I had intended to be at Lands End by the next day. With over
one hundred miles to cover I walked through the afternoon and well into the
night. I managed a couple of lifts, but I eventually reached Bodmin about
23.30hrs where I went into a lay-by set up shop for the night and settled
down for a well needed sleep .P.S I'll have to try and find somewhere for a
shower tomorrow even the fly?s wont land on me.

DAY 6 20.04.05
I was excited when I woke knowing I was going to reach one of my major
goals today. Lands End. I packed up as quick as a kid opening his or her
presents at Christmas. I still had about fifty miles to cover but that would
be a doodle the mood I was in. I even forgot about the hunger pains. I plodded
on for a few miles, when an old sea fairing gentleman? Tom" stopped to give me
a lift. So for the next thirty miles I got some really good stories about him
sailing the seven seas, and having a girl in every port. He reminded me so
much of uncle Albert from only fools and horses rite down to the beard, the
only thing he didn't do was pipe me aboard when I got into his car. He
dropped me off about ten miles short of Lands End we shook hands and I was
on my way. The final trek in wasn't to bad and it was a beautiful sunny day. I
arrived about eleven thirty. What an awesome sight. When I think to all
the bad days I've been through this was a good to be alive day. I stayed
about two hours absorbing the joy I was feeling, took some photo's for keep
sake then reluctantly set off back towards Penzance, as I walked passed the
exit I had one last look back over my shoulder, and in the words of Arnold
Swartzanigger I said I'll be back, and I ment It I'll take my son with me
next time. With some smooth talking I managed to hitch a ride on the only bus
out of Lands End and to Penzance, it took the scenic route around some lovely
bays. As soon as we reach Penzance I asked a policeman where the day centre
was, it was called the bread line. as I arrived it was just closing but I was
still invited in for a coffee. They had excellent facilities and all the staff
I met were really nice people. I couldn't stay long because I was aiming to
be in Plymouth by night fall. After taking some photo's I headed out of town.
I managed to get a lift pretty quick all the way to the outskirts of
Plymouth. I found a nice quit spot under a bridge stanchion because it was
going dark. I dosed off about ten only to be woken about an hour later by
six lads from the local wine tasting fraternity who were trying to get me
to sample their vintage Bordeaux, but to me it smelt more like metholated
spirits. I declined her very kind offer and told them I had to move on. I went
about a mile down the road found some bushes next to the Nova hotel zipped
up my sleeping bag and tried again.

DAY 7 21.04.05

I had about three hours sleep last night, when I woke I wasn't feeling to
good hungry and tired, it was really the first day I felt the depression
taking a upper hand, a couple of times I found my self gasping for
breath, also shivering and sweating at the same time. So I did what I've found
is the best way of defeating these feelings and push myself to exhaustion, so
force marched the next three miles into Plymouth. When I reached the town
centre I was feeling sick but knew I had burned up most of the tension I
felt that morning. My first priority was to find somewhere to get some
food, my stomach must have thought that my throat had been cut. I got
directions to the Shekinah drop in station. Here I had a good breakfast. They
were really friendly organisation, who were nearing relocation to a brand
new premises. I only stayed one hour, because I knew I had to keep on pushing
myself other wise the depression would take hold again .I headed to the bus
station to try get a lift back to Exeter then through to Poole. I manager to
get to Exeter by bus but I was back on shanks pony towards Poole. My head
was now pounding and my body was shaking with tension and stress I was about
six miles out side Exeter when I managed to get a lift from a car
transporter. Not long after setting off I fell asleep from shear
exhaustion. The driver woke me up just on the outskirts of Poole, he let me
have a cup of coffee from his flask, before we parted company. the sun was just
setting so pitched up on bridleway by the harbour for the night I got into
my tent got out the picture of my son said goodnight then cried myself to
sleep.


DAY 8 22.04.05

I had a restless night, before getting up just after sunrise. The headache
was still there which was giving me blurred visions. This was the first time
since I had set off that I had felt like throwing in the towel, through all
the rain and hundreds of miles I had already covered I had not felt this
bad. I sat by the side of the harbour with the picture of my son in my hands
and cried. After about an hour I decided to give it one more day to see if I
could beat the depression. I took a slow steady walk around the
harbour, trying to build up my defences, telling myself that I could overcome
the way I was feeling. I found a place to get some food, a convent on the
outskirts of the town. I filled up my water bottles thanked the nuns then
tried to gee myself up ,It just wasn't there as you will know if you suffer
from depression in these situation it's virtually impossible to motivate your
self to do anything. But I am a fighter and I knew if I could hold on another
few hours it would pass for now. I decided to try my luck at the bus
station, after speaking to a very under standing driver I managed to get a
ride to Bournemouth. I went down to the sea front took in some fresh
air. Everything was a struggle though my mind just wasn't on the job. I headed
up to the train station with intention of calling it a day. Just sitting on
the station thinking what my next move would be when the station master came
over to see if I was all right I just explained to her briefly that I was
contemplating going home, and telling her how far I had already come she
suggested getting on the train to Southampton try and get some sleep and I
might feel better. so that?s what I did. After reaching Southampton I just
pushed on through the centre heading for Portsmouth. In the centre I came in
for a little abuse and some bottles thrown at me from a group of kids who
couldn't handle there beer, I didn't react. I managed to get to the outsides
of the centre before I couldn't push myself anymore pitched up on a park and
tried to get some sleep. What a day.


Day 9 23-04-05

My head was clear in the morning, but I had toothache it just must be
because I am drained. The rain was bouncing off the tent but I had to get up
and move on. I only had to walk about two miles when a coach stopped and gave
me a lift right into the centre of Portsmouth. With it being St Georges day
there where loads of English flags around the city. I went to the historic
harbour to have a look around the old ships, the best of which was Nelsons
flag ship the Victory. Things were picking up again a second wind I was
having a great day there was so much to see. Just after midday I moved on I
wanted to get to Brighton. I managed to get a lift by train saving my legs
again. When I arrived in Brighton I headed straight for the pier got myself a
deck chair and watched the sun set. After the sun had gone I started looking
for a place for the night. I anticipated that there would be no rain
because the sky?s were clear so I headed to some huts on the beach, I just got
my sleeping bag out left my boots on and settled in for the night. After
being there for a few hours a couple came on to the beach and must have
thought now was as good a time as any to start a family, they couldn't of
seen me, so like a true gent I zipped up my sleeping bag pulled it over my
head and went to sleep...That sand must get everywhere?



DAY 10 24.04.05

I woke in the morning to clear blue sky?s. so I was hoping this would perk me up a
bit. The sea front was a hive of activity people dashing around trying to set
up the finishing post for the London to Brighton Jaguar car rally. I just
potted on pasted heading for somewhere to have a shower. I found the drop in
centre on the west side of town I managed to get a shower and had some
food. I thanked them then headed out of town on my way to Eastbourne across
the south downs. The route was very hilly. I walked about ten miles before got
a lift off a chap who does a lot of fell walking we had a good chat on the
way. I got dropped off on the outskirts of Eastbourne I pitched up for the
night on a site where a youth hostel used to be it was recently
demolished. It was still light but I didn't want to go on any more tonight I
just needed a little time to reflect and take stock on what I had achieved
so far. I stayed awake well into the night thinking of things that have
happened in my life and if I had my time over again would I change anything
the answer was yes??most of it.
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